Another date, that as a bereaved parent means that we’re leaving our baby even further into the past.
A distant memory.
Upon leaving 2011 our baby was safely holding on tight,
My heart used as part of a life support system.
Lovingly speaking of the excitement the New Year would bring,
Hope, happiness and joy,
The happily ever after.
Leaving 2012, clinging onto our baby’s memory ensuring that she will stay in my heart forever,
With hope for a bright and shiny New Year,
Knowing that it was “only last year” that we had held her, kissed her,
Even changing her nappy nothing more than fond memory.
“Only a Year ago”
Here we are leaving 2013, our first year where we can no longer say
“This time last year”
Time’s way of attempting to wipe her further from our memory.
Expectations to be had that now it has been two years, an expectation that this has indeed been long enough to grieve.
Time to get over everything; move on and return to normal.
But when you can’t remember “normal” life, it is hard to return to an exact point in time.
When everything has changed but the changes can’t be physically be seen.
Do we mention our baby, now as much as we did in 2013?
Because it was after all “only last year.”
Creeping into 2014 when part of you remains in 2012, does our “Bereaved Parent” title get stripped?
Hearts that were for a short while allowed to be ripped wide open for all to see, ensuring her memory be kept alive through grief; now need to be lightly held together by tape and glue.
Because the real world deems you fit to move on.
A widow doesn’t get stripped of her title,
Even 20 years down the line she can still be deemed a widow.
Children who lose a parent aren’t expected to replace them, to move on too quickly.
But a lot child, a lost future, even a lost past has a timescale.
Nothing set in stone but obvious cracks in questions.
The forgotten children.
Moving into 2014 away from our month old daughter leaves me to think
How much further can I bring her with me openly?
Or will she gradually become more and more my elephant in the room
Invisible to all apart from me.
Forever locked inside 2012.